Change is not always failure.

I realized I could take this post in about a million different directions but I'm going to focus on one thought that I am personally learning to adopt and hold tight, in the days to come.  Seeing as we were homeschooling advocates, the following may come as a surprise to you.

We have made the decision to enroll Kensington in Kindergarden, at a local private school.

This choice was difficult for both of us and one hundred percent opposite of what we had thought, planned and run towards, for the past few years.  It looks like God had much different plans for our family and in the past few weeks we have seen that.

I really could begin talking about so many aspects of this change, but I won't.  At least not right now.  I'm not going to talk about the specifics of what propelled us to make this choice or why we feel it is beneficial for our family and for our daughter.  I'm not going to talk about the benefits of homeschooling or private school and I'm definitely not going to dive into the disparities between people, when they talk about this topic.  I don't feel qualified to make choices for other people.  Sometimes I don't feel qualified to make choices for OUR family and yet I have to. We have to.  And all we can consume our minds with is what God has for us and not others.

All I'm going to talk about, and briefly at that, is how difficult it is to accept when God changes your mind for you.

Having your plans pulled out from underneath you is hard. Really hard.  You plan and think you've heard God speaking to you and so you grow more and more confident in what you are "supposed" to do.  With the words of supporters and encouragement from those who go before, you grow more and more resolute that this is the best way to proceed.  The chest pounding begins and posturing and research and sharp lines drawn. This doesn't just pertain to schooling, obviously. Anything we are passionate about and feel drawn to, we begin to create a world for it.  A world with rules and boundaries and we have total jurisdiction over this created place in our minds.

When we feel that God is telling us to pursue something, it's hard not to go full board.  It's especially hard to hear Him say something completely different and have to start moving in a totally opposite direction but...

He has been known to do that.

We've told some close friends and family about our choice and each time we were met with excitement when we explained our reasons and yet still...all I saw was failure to launch.  Failure to fulfill the initial plan.  Failure to meet the expectation I had made for our family for the next twenty years {yes, crazy}.  Even when Sean and I talk, he'll point out, "Rachel. This is just one year.  I still want to homeschool.  We will re-visit this each year."  EVEN STILL, all I could focus on was this year.  This happening. The RIGHT NOW.

In my mind, this change meant I had to accept that I was a failure and that the change Sean and I made meant that we were announcing it to the entire world.

FAILURES THAT CAN'T DETERMINE THE NEXT 15 YEARS FOR OUR CHILDREN OVER COFFEE ONE NIGHT!!

WHAT KIND OF PARENTS ARE WE?!

Clearly you see the fault in that argument and I'm sure you think it's a sign of weakness that I was feeling it in the first place but can't we all admit that when we are forced to close a business, stop pursuing a dream, leave a church, no longer associate with a people, halt a life change or close the door on a move.......

We put that on ourselves as failure even if it is a GOD CHANGE?

It's because we make this life too much about us and our plans and I was doing that. Each time I feel a pang of discomfort about this choice it is because I am hanging on the thread of self-absorbsion that tells me that I am failing.  My plans weren't actualized.  My daughter is going to a wonderful school that is everything we would desire for her. She will be taught about the Lord each day by loving teachers.  All of the good things we feel are important and still I will focus, at times, on something else.

I have to repeat over and over and over that this change isn't about us.

Change is about God.  

If we are listening, God is going to change our minds all the time {and then some more} and that means we might just live in a state of constant movement but hey....

We would also be living in a state of constant GROWTH and DEPENDENCY on Him.

And that is where I want to be.

{Are you in a state or season of change?  How is it making you feel and what are your biggest struggles?  I would love to hear from you!}

I hate shopping and a few thoughts.

Good Morning out there.
It's Friday at 5:00am and Sean has the day off which means the weekend starts toDAY.  Can I get a amen?!  I think I just heard a collective "sigh" coming from the computer and I feel the same way.

So, here's the deal.  I'm pretty reserved about talking ad-nauseum about this whole health journey.  At least, I try to be.  It's been a rather consuming part of my life in the past 10 weeks but I haven't wanted to shove it down people's throats on here or Instagram.  The truth is, however, it's a huge part of my life now and my familys life, by default.  It's like anything else for anyone else and I have to get over being gun-shy about sharing.  Do you see what I'm saying?  I'm sure as time goes on, the newness of it all will wane and it will just become a normal part of living {this, I hope}.  In the meantime, I'm learning that it's just like a new craft or business venture. It's similar to when someone buys a new house or is learning a new language.
It's shiny and exciting and you hope that people are excited for you but also aware that some people might just be annoyed {which is sad to me because I love hearing about new things in peoples lives, don't you?}

I'm generally alright with people being indifferent or even irritated, but with weight and fitness, it's a bit different because it's unavoidably you that is the poster-child and you don't want it to be allllll about what you look like all the time {at least I don't}.
I want people to focus on the tremendous health advantages to losing weight and being healthy.  I really want others to see how much they stand to gain in their walk with Christ, their personal relationships and their daily adventures, when they are choosing the best.
Inevitably, however, sometimes all people see is how cute you look in a new pair of pants and I can't avoid that, I suppose.

I desire to share and I have to accept that some people won't understand and some will.  In the very end, I hope that people are inspired to make healthy changes because of how it will benefit them personally, emotionally and spiritually.  That's the real reason I share.  I hope that's the real reason why people are inspired to action.

It's been a little under 10 weeks and I'm still working really hard and reaping enormous benefits.  I weighed myself yesterday {without my brother there-sorry Jonathan!} and I was broke into the 150's, which for me, is huge.  It was actually the only goal I personally wanted to achieve {well, besides not dying of high blood pressure. That was also a pretty important one}.  I've lost over 33 pounds and it's been through strict diet and dedicated exercise.  I've ramped up my running and introduced some very difficult sandbag workouts.  Basically my body is turning into a bit of a machine and I view it as a really interesting project. I'm seeing my body as less of an "object" and more of a working entity that can be pushed and manipulated to achieve a specific response.  I have some lofty goals for myself like running a marathon and learning/executing some exciting marine corp drills.  I'd like to land at 139.4 pounds as that would be an overall loss of 50 pounds and put me in a extremely healthy place, leaving me with a body that will be capable of executing new fitness challenges.
However, all of this is secondary to the changes it is allowing me to make, as a individual.  I feel so much more light and able to clearly see the Lords plan for my life and my family.  That has been the most important and beneficial part of this health transition BY FAR.
If you are feeling like a shadow of who you know the Lord wants you to be....consider looking at what you are putting into your body.  I promise that choosing healthy options will only propel you closer to where the Lord desires you to be.

At least that's what I think.
And that's the end of that.

***

All of this being said, I just have to share a bit of shallow news.
I need new pants.  And shirts.  And undergarments.

There's a problem HOWEVER.

I really do.  It's true that I worked in retail for years and enjoyed myself. I very much appreciate and enjoy outfitting and selecting things to wear {from my closet}.  I like looking stylish just like the next woman and think that what you put on your body can reflect so many things.
The act of shopping, however?

NO.THANKS.

I'd rather do just about anything then walk through a store and look at racks and racks of hanging cotton.  It exhausts me just thinking about it.  It doesn't just exhaust me, it gives me anxiety because if I go in and don't find anything?  WASTED TIME!  That really gets me.

The point is, THIS is how I feel when I attempt to shop:

I need clothes, however.
Sean bought me a great pair of jeans on Mothers Day, and I'm happy about that, but all of my dressier slacks are so huge in the rear, hips and legs that they leaving me looking a bit like this:

The biggest problem I have with shopping?
I hate spending money when I have a closet FULL of clothes.  Mind you, I don't have this same conviction when it comes to quilts or photos found at a estate sale.  Maybe it's because all of the clothes are in one place and I see them hanging there, all together.  At any rate, I feel like it's a bit of a waste.  However, Frankie did almost pull my pants down, in public, the other day {due to bagginess issues}.....so I guess making a few purchases isn't the end of the world.

I ventured to TARGET yesterday and found two t-shirts for $5.00 and this great jacket.  HELLO BARGAIN.  I fully support you getting one.  I also found the skirt pictured above and it was on sale for $18.00, so that was fancy.

I'm not even sure why I'm sharing this-it's not like you can do anything about it.  Misery loves company, I suppose.  It's not like this is even a "real" problem and I'm sure some of you are pretty much like,
"I'd love that issue, Rachel".

But, honesty, people.
Honesty is the game here.

Also,
IT's FRIDAY! THE WEEKEND!

Our family is headed in the direction of some new and exciting changes {more on that, later} and this weekend we are off to learn about them.
Also on the agenda is a tea with my girlfriends {YAY!} and a date with the husband.  Time with good friends and family and I'm thinking about cracking into a new book.

Yes.  All very good things.
And you?

Free as a Francine Bird.

Good Morning everyone!

I had to share this. This is how Frankie drives in the car.  About 90% of the time, her arms are high in the air, windows down and she is singing {loudly}.

This is why I can't make or take phone calls, while driving, EVER.  Which I suppose is a good thing, right?

Enjoy this dose of happiness.

Unlearning the past 6 years of blogging.

Good Morning friends.

It's Wednesday {I just had to think about that for an entire minute to confirm} and it's 5:36am.  I'm sipping my coffee and thinking about a wonderful post I read yesterday.
You can read it here.  Please do and if you are a regular blogger, I think you will definitely enjoy the premise even more and identify with what I am about to write.

This coming June I will have been a blogging for six years {!!!} and I've learned quite a few valuable lessons.  I began here and while I scroll through the posts, there are moments when I laugh, shrug my shoulders and think, "Yikes.  That sounded rude/heavy-handed/presumptuous/funny/insane."  Overall though, I read those posts and notice a difference.  In fact, I think that if I went through the archives of most bloggers {read: anyone with a blog, a business or craft with a blog attached} I would notice the same distinguishing characteristic.

It was lighter back then.  Wasn't it?

Posts weren't laden with link-backs and shout-outs to other friends and they certainly didn't all have a point or lesson.  I don't think I saw a sponsored post ever. People weren't always arguing their ideas and sharing about deep, dark feelings {not that that is bad, mind you}. People used to actually comment on frivolous posts and make friends for other reasons than just networking!  Imagine!
I remember the days when you sat down to your computer and were excited to share the latest sewing project you learned or a simple picture you took that you were proud of.  Do you remember those days or is it just me?

The point is {See?!  It's an epidemic! I must have a point!} we seemed to have lost all that purity in blogging and Ashleigh was right. Some of us want to hear about the mundane.  The minutia!  I actually really enjoy reading about other peoples lives and all of the small things they enjoy, learn and do.  In fact, I'm often asked for blogging guidance and advice {Which I think is funny because much of my past blogging "success" was unintentional and a happy accident, as Jen likes to say-THERE I GO AGAIN WITH THE LINKS TO OTHER PEOPLE!}.  When people do ask me to help them out, I almost always tell them to write about something personal.  Share themselves.  The second they do, people come out of the woodworks because people love to hear about you.  They love stories, just like myself and feel drawn to hear about your experiences, I think, because it teaches them about their own journey.

So, what are we to do?

It's difficult, I would imagine, for all of us to unlearn what the past few years have taught us and maybe we shouldn't undo all of the lessons.  There are some websites that are wonderfully laden with links and tutorials, ideas and opinions, that are beautifully crafted and very helpful.  I'm not asserting that we all stop doing business and start writing about our cats.

I get that some people have made this blogging into a money-makin' biznass.  That's a good thing.

For the rest of us, however, that do this simply for the love of typing out our brains inner-workings, without the demands of deadlines, invoicing or post requirements....

Let's get back to basics and toss out the current manuel.
Just share and write and enjoy.


****

So, this feels weird but ok.  I'll give it a go and just "share".  Weird.

It's Wednesday and I'm really tired and I think it's because I've been running more then usual.  Yesterday I cleared about 6.5 miles and my ankle is sore.  Did you know about my ankle?  Probably not because I'm not sure I ever shared {the minutia!}.  I double sprained it about two years ago and it flares up often.  Ankle sprains are the worst because the pain never really goes away.  It just lingers like a annoying mosquito bite except way worse.

The past three weeks have been a bit crazy around here {I've alluded to it in several posts, I think} and I'm alright with it.  Now that I'm living healthfully, I find trials and odd happenings to be a bit of a adventure, where as before all I would have wanted was to crawl into bed in a lump of avoidance. So many changes and bizarre circumstances and difficult trials but really....it's felt like everything is more manageable now.  Some exciting changes have been in made in our life and instead of fearing the unknown and the new, I find that I'm more reliant on the Lord for His guidance.  This is new for me.  I'm a bit of a "I got it, Lord" type of gal.

Oh and did you know that Roosevelt had a list of birds that he found around the White House, during his presidency? Yes he did.

How did I do?

And if I've had one blogging lesson beat into my head, it's that every post needs a picture.

So, here you go.

Why mother?

“So how on earth can I bring a child into the world, knowing that such sorrow lies ahead, that it is such a large part of what it means to be human?

                                                                        I'm not sure. That's my answer: I'm not sure.”
                                                                                                  ― Anne Lamott

*****

I identify with Ms. Lamott.  I hear her and I feel her sentiment. Sometimes I wonder why we continue to have children when it seems like so much of the world is in decay.  It sounds heavy, but look around.  Children have it the roughest because they are now expected to carry weights on their shoulders they were never intended to bare.  They have to grow up fast, thrust into adolescence and "adult-hood" way earlier then they should-pushed by society and culture.  They see and hear about atrocities when before they were much more shielded. They understand things faster then we ever did.
Why then?  Why have more?  Why continue to populate the earth when what I know of  so much of it makes me sad, disappointed and confused?

We have them because we know there is something greater out there.  Trudging through the mire of current culture will be hard,  of course. Fighting against the popular trends will be a survival challenge, not for the weak at heart and in the end, our children will be privy to so much more than we can control.

But there is something greater that lies in store and that is humanity.
I thought about it a lot on Mothers Day.  I spoke with a friend about it, several days ago. We both seemed exhausted at the idea of the battles we are going to fight, as mothers.  She shared her willingness to fight and I shared mine, but we still felt defeated.  Ready to teach our kids to stand firm but still saddened it seems we have to, at such young ages.
I don't think the hardest part of motherhood is the diaper changing and sleepless nights. That stuff is not difficult, it's tiresome.
I think the difficult part is what I am standing on the brink of.
Watching your child grow and teaching them to be part of the world and not of it.

Teaching them to strive to be Godly in a Godless world.
Teaching them to not be afraid to share the gospel and it's love story for all.
Teaching them to give when the world teaches to take.
Teaching them purity when the world pushes promiscuity.
Teaching them love when our world seems bursting with anger and hate.
Teaching them compassion when so many seem so void of the feeling.

I have a healthy fear of motherhood and as I have seen in the last few weeks, that the glory days of making baby food and deciding to cloth diaper are quickly fading.

The real test begins now-raising daughters with integrity, conscience and love for a wilting and breathless world.

Ask the Trainer Part 2 and some thoughts on working HARD!

source

Happy Monday, everyone!  It's the start of a new week!

Below is the second installment of "Ask the Trainer" and if you haven't had a chance to watch the first, click HERE.  It's riveting video work, I'll tell you. Like nothing else on YouTube.
But really, I hope my brother has been able to answer some of your questions.  We would love to do another, if it would help you, so please comment with any questions or feel free to email me!

And yes-I know some of you are waiting for a "food" post!  I'm working on it!


***


But before you watch the video.....

I would like to answer one question, personally, that I've been asked on numerous occasions.  Actually, it's generally in the form of a statement or comment, rather than a question.

I've been hearing,
"You lost that weight fast.  It must be easier for some people to lose weight than others."

Jonathan addresses this mindset in the video below but I felt the need to clarify a bit.  Perhaps it will shed a little light on the error in our perceptions.

The idea that this weight has come off easily is anything but true.  In the past nine weeks I have quite literally worked my tail off and while I can TOTALLY understand how someone from the outside, who simply sees the INSTAGRAM pictures or reads a blog post or two, might think that it's been a cake walk.....

I can assure you....It has not.

In the past nine weeks I have been 100% strict on a whole foods diet.  I don't cheat and I am mindful about every meal.  Which means that I have had to completely re-learn how to feed myself.  In addition to this new learning curve, I'm unable to stop being a mother, wife, friend and family member, to allow myself 100% concentration on this change.  No one has that luxury.  I have no more time then anyone else so this is all happening as life rolls on.  The calendar doesn't stop so I can learn a new lifestyle, so I have to fit it in.  Like everyone else.

I have to go to parties and celebrations and entertain while staying on course.  I go exercise and weight train while other people are hanging out on a Saturday.  I run up and down hills, over and over again while people lounge by their pools or go to the mall.  I learn new recipes and go shop for good food at four grocery stores and teach Kensington about vegetables in between cleaning my house and spending time with my friends.  I have to sit at restaurants with the ladies and order water while everyone else is getting delicious lattes and scones. I don't eat cheeseburgers when I feel I deserve to, even after losing 30 pounds.  I hit the pavement and run past people that are running faster and with more ease, while I pant and have sore ankles and pains in my shoulder.  I lift weights in my garage and strap on 5 pound ankle straps for an extra push on my blazing hot afternoon run, when sometimes I wish I could be heading to a fancy pants gym with air conditioning and yoga mats.

Since the beginning of this journey, I have done all the things that I normally do like decide on paint colors for our house and volunteer at church, decide schooling options for my kid and get together with our friends.  I go for walks with the family and feed the dog and set up the kiddie pool.  Sean and I go on dates and I run to the pharmacy and TARGET and do 17 piles of laundry a day. I talk on the phone with lady folk and go to bed after my favorite shows and read books during nap.  I'm still normal, just like everyone else and have no access to an "EASY" button when it comes to health.

My nine weeks has been rough and difficult and really, really hard, on top of living the life that I'm already living.

So, while it may appear like the weight is falling off.....

It comes at a great cost.
I have to work HARD for it.  Each and every day.  All day long.  And sacrifice much.

I hope this, in some small way, encourages that person out there that is working HARD for this.  Health doesn't just appear when we want it.  If it did, we wouldn't be a obese nation that is ailing from numerous diseases and cancers.  You have to work hard for it and if you do, it will come.

{I feel like this really pertains to so many issues in our life, don't you?  If you want to live a Godly life, you have to spend time with Christ, studying, praying and living out your faith.  If you want to have true and deep friendships, you have to put in the time-calling one another, learning about each other and being honest and vulnerable on a regular basis.  If you want to be a more intentional mother, you have to sacrifice things that you may want for a result that is yet unseen.}

Basically, things don't just fall in your lap.  You have to work.
Period.

***

Start at the very beginning.

***

   “We will begin by learning how to tie our shoes.” 

                                                                       John Wooden

I'm convinced that people don't start things because they are afraid of failure and looking stupid.  I'm afraid of neither of these.  I fail all the time and I'm certain I have looked stupid.  Where I slip up is forgetting to accept that these are going to happen, over and over and over again.

I'm nine weeks into a brand new world and I am a different person.  Some would say I'm the same person with new motivation but I feel like so much has been rearranged.  My mind has began taking a new shape and I have a completely renewed and alive outlook on life.  For me, that's a world of difference, so I'll stick with my initial assertion.

Nine weeks in and I've lost about thirty pounds.  I am fitting into pants that I haven't worn ever.  I'm able to run five miles without defeat and I see muscles on portions of my body that I was certain would never make an appearance again.  Good things are happening and they continue to build on one another.  I feel very blessed by these external changes but there is something I constantly have to remind myself.

I forget that I have to begin at the beginning, each day.
It sounds simple, right?

It is and that's why success can be easily achieved and then easily squandered.
Let me explain what I mean.

Aside from my love of soccer, I'm not much of a sports girl.  My family loves specific sports teams and I have allegiance to several as a bi-product of their fervor, but I don't follow it all that much.  I have studied the life of John Wooden, however.  I've read many books about him and little of my fascination with his life is linked to his team.  My respect for him as an individual streams from his ability to groom champions because he focused on the beginning.  The basics.

Anyone who knows the story of John Wooden knows this.
Everything worth doing starts at a beginning.  It launches from a genuine and realized genesis and if it doesn't start there, it never moves forward.  If the basics and the foundation aren't built, everything else-including success-crumbles.

I've been thinking about that, in my own life and realizing that I fail at the feet of this concept over and over {and over and over}.  I get so caught up in the movement and the gain and the accomplishments that I capitalize on them and propel myself to my next goal.  This isn't wrong, inherently, but my failure occurs when I forget what landed me at the initial goal itself.  I stop seeing all the way back and only see where I want to go.

This is where I fail.

It's been 9 weeks and I'm starting to see light at the end of the tunnel as it pertains to my "health goals". I want to be the healthiest version of myself, so I've begun letting myself fall and focus on the future and how I want to be 135 pounds and running my first marathon.  Those are fine goals, I know, but they aren't what I should really be focusing on, are they?

I need to be tying my shoes.  I need to start with first things first.  I'm a symptom of my own success and I'm beginning to see that.  I don't like it and I want to catch it, squash it and destroy that.

My shoe tying can't be forgotten.  When I forget to lace up, I forget why I'm doing this.

When I neglect my relationship with God, I will be ineffective in my striving because I'm doing this for Him, also.
When I neglect giving to others first, I will be unfocused in my training, knowing that I made it all about me.
When I neglect to select the healthiest version of ANYthing, I forget that I have a priority to myself, my husband and my kids to choose wisely.
When I neglect praising the Lord for my accomplishments, I have begun focusing on the praise of others rather than focusing on the applause of One.
When I stop acknowledging all of my hard work  I won't appreciate when I can do 10 pushups because I'm upset that I can't do 20.
If I do these things, I have stopped building my foundation and I'm simply stacking blocks on top of a teetering tower....

It's. bound. to. crumble.

We can't forget {no matter how far we go or how much we know} to start at the beginning.  Remember why we do what we do.

We have to first tie our shoes.