motherhoods reflection.

I've limited some of my blog reading lately and I believe it is because I've noticed that the majority of blog posts I was reading, regarding motherhood/parenthood, are ultimately judgmental in tone, mean in spirit and masked as helpful but truly, slightly offensive. Usually expressing opinion that has little to do with the writer and all to do with the Twitter blast of the day.  I notice it because I've been there and done that.This happens in cycles but it seems to be more prevalent lately, and it no longer invigorates me to write but rather makes me sad. 

Regardless of the opinionated posts that are fighting large battles that will never be won, short of the second coming, I do have some thoughts on motherhood and I thought I would share them with you.  However, it's really all about my personal struggle and void of any judgement on anyone else. 

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I just have to say that motherhood is hard.

Like REALLY hard.
Perhaps I should say that EFFECTIVE parenting is hard.  

The first year of motherhood was pretty easy on me (or perhaps it wasn't and I was just much better at pretending, which I have a sneaky suspicion was the case).

I now have two amazing daughters and I have realized that parenting is so much less about the child and what they are doing and more about what I am doing (or not doing) and how it is going to shape them.  When I realized that, It changed everything.  Sure, I have to break up wrestling matches and instruct my children when they are disobedient or in sin, but I have found the hardest part of motherhood is dealing with myself and my shortcomings.  Coming to this conclusion has been a rude awakening for me. 

Motherhood held up the most reflective mirror, I had peered in.

I don't always like what I see and when I don't like what I see, I don't like what I get in return, from my girls.

You see, I want to raise woman for Christ. Woman who are much more concerned with what their Lord, their family and their close friends think, then a vast sea of strangers.  I want them to be content with little and joyful and giving with much.  I want them to pick God before career and the Lords Will before stature, prestige, college diplomas and wavering interests.
I want them to be confident, not because they are a "woman" or because they can "do whatever a guy can do" or because they hang out with the right people or wear the newest outfit or because they don't. In fact I hope I raise girls that don't hinge any concern or worry on those things at all. Rather they are full of confidence because the Lord made them special and He has a plan. I want them to give and give often and then give more because the Lord gave.

If I want them to be these thing, I must be these things.

And that is why motherhood is hard.  Because sometimes I stink at being some of these things.

But I must try to be each of these, each day.  Even when I'm tired and even when all I want to do is drop them off somewhere, and have a break.  I must press on and try to be that which I want to see.

Motherhood is a pretty grueling reflection but if I try my hardest, they might like who they see someday, when they look in that mirror.

Because they should. They are my precious daughters, the daughters I have fought for but far more importantly, they are daughters of the King.


3 comments:

  1. So right!! So right!! I had a heart to heart talk with my 8 yo daughter the other night...her actions throughout the day were down right horrid. So we sat and talked and talked and cried and focused our minds and hearts on God and ultimately how He would want us to be. Not how mommy or daddy, necessarily want her to act, but how God wants her to be! It was another time to reinvest and reinvigorate our relationship with God and with each other...blessings to you and your little girls! Thanks for sharing!

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  2. Amen!! We need to raise our chilren for the LOrd!!!

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  3. rachel. you are the best. praise jesus for him using you!

    i've had lots of family and many friends shower us with pity/sympathy weirdness type comments lately. about how HARD it must be parenting with autism.

    well. it IS dang hard. but? isn't ALL parenting?
    we're not a typical family, but i want to say we have this in common, we are doing hard things together. raising these little souls to look to jesus, no matter how they're wired!

    LOVE your heart here(everywhere, duh) and i'm praying for you!! xoxo

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