the train stop {a lessons about lessons}.

Grr.

I have started this and started it again and it hasn't come out right.
I wrote a LONG post and scrapped it, which I almost never do, because I couldn't explain my point.

And maybe it still won't make sense, but I'll try one more time before I replace it with a superficial post about rotary telephones {which I still will write because hey....who doesn't like a rotary telephone?!}.

****

We've been driving Sean to the train station for about a month.  He trains into work and then we pick him up, at the end of the day. 




At the on-set of us taking him to the train, I pre-decided what the lessons learned would be.  I knew we would have plenty of oppurtunities to share with Kensington why we don't need to have two cars and that sometimes we have to sacrifice instead of immediate gratification.  Fortunately, we have been able to have this conversation already when Kensington asked, "If daddy's car is broken, why don't we just buy a new one?".  We have been able to model sacrifice when we have to rise earlier then we hope, to get daddy to the train on time.  We've had to cancel a plan or two, because of traffic, showing Kensington that we sacrifice for family, even when it's a bummer.

Overall, the lessons haven't been in short order.
And I started getting comfortable in the lessons and thinking that we were pretty awesome for making this choice and seeing beyond ourselves. {I'm not even going to lie, I started to get a little haughty about us deciding to do the whole "Seans taking the train to work" thing....like the idea of public transportation is monumental, or something}.

What's funny is God works in such a larger scope then we do and He doesn't think like us {PRAISE}.

The lessons I had predecided were not what the Lord truly had in store for us.

EACH and EVERY day, we pick up Sean around 4:45pm and we circle the on ramp to the 105fwy.  And EACH and EVERY day we see the same homeless woman.  She stands on the edge of the street but still conceals herself enough by the large brush that corners the ramp.  I think it's because she's ashamed.  She's sad and alone and hot.  She wants to be seen but wants to disapear. 

Last Thursday my mind was blazing with ideas for my ETSY shop and buzzing with plans I needed to make before Fall, with best hopes to provide Kensington with stellar homeschooling moments.  I was lit up with plans and thoughts and recipes I want to try.  Thinking about my grand life and how much I am enjoying right now and how we are blessed, blessed, blessed.  Thinking that it's somewhat stressful to have one car and a porch light that doesn't work.  What inconviences!

And then I rounded the corner and my eye met the eye of the homeless woman and I couldn't look away.  She may have felt ashamed but I was the one that had a close knit marriage with the feeling because I sat comfortably in my JEEP with two sinigng children and a husband in $250.00 leather loafers.  I looked at her gazed into the smile that transofrmed her face, when I handed her a dollar. 

She was grateful.  Maybe just for a moment or maybe for the entire day.  But she was grateful.

And I sat in my car a little smaller.

Because the lesson learned is that we make life all about us, don't we?

It's about my house and my mortage and my career and my endeavors.  It's about my children and their faults and their shortcomings and my mothering.  It's about my blog and my interests and my calendar and my committments. 
It's about my lessons and my relationship with the Lord and my devotion.  It's about my appearance and my hobbies and my personality.  It's about my perceptions and my marriage and my friends.  It's about my choices and my self progression.  It's about my church and my experience there and my thoughts about it.

In that moment though.

It wasn't about me.  At least not in the way I thought.
It was about looking into the eyes of that woman and realizing how self centered I am.  And not even meaning to be that way.  Even when I work against it.  It's just how we are wired....to make everything and all things about us.
I had pre-decided what the lessons were, that we could grow from, while taking Sean to the train stop.
The drive to the train became another "about me" moment.  I decided it and predestined it and sure, it came true.  We can make lots of things make sense, if we push it.

But the greater lesson was the one that the Lord had decided.

The lesson that a world all about us is the world we are already living in.  But it doesn't have to be.
We need to open our eyes to a world less about us and more about Him.

Stop making everything and all things about us and how it shifts our small worlds and more about those standing right next us.  On the on ramp, glaring in our eyes.  Standing right in front of us, smiling at such small blessings and being pained over lives most difficult injustices.

I think by exercising this, I might be on the path to true happiness....not just the path to external joy we seem to be striving after.




7 comments:

  1. thank you for this today, what a great reminder to think of others. to think of Him when serving others and less about ourselves and what we want.

    Well said. thank you.

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    1. Thank YOU for this comment! We all need to focus less on ourselves, don't we? I need to print this out and carry it around with me!

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  2. beautiful my dear. so true....we need to be continually striving to be less "me" focused. it's difficult, but by seeking the Lord and being open to what He teaches us....i believe that it can be accomplished. once we free ourselves from our selfish thoughts - we will truely experience true joy. love this post :) xoxo

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    1. That is JUST it. It's freedom. I think we don't realize that we choose the bondage of selfish living.

      Great thought, friend.

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  3. I feel like I am always thanking you for your words. I wish I had something more profound to offer but I do not. You bless me with them. :)
    I want to share more openly about this subject on my own blog but I struggle to find my voice. My husband and I are a part of a church plant(a missional church plant) in our own community and it has been difficult to say the least. I want to love everyone like Jesus did but my own selfishness gets in the way. I could go on and on but I just wanted you to know how much you bless me. Thank you. xo

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    1. Well, thank YOU Jennifer.
      What a test of faith and trust you and your husband have made. I admire you and can only imagine how difficult it must be, at times.

      Thinking of you, friend.

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  4. Like Jesus does*
    I hope you know what I meant ;)

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