here goes {the pressure cooker}

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These thoughts have been ruminating in my mind for some time but whenever I would sit down to spit them out, something said, "stop".
But of course, in true blogger fashion, the need to type comes about 20 minutes before Sean and I leave on a dinner date. Oy!

And so I sit, dolled up, with jewelry on and starving.

Starving for food and starving for understanding.
I'll be eating soon enough, but please tell me you'll supply the understanding....?

****

I have said often and to more than one person, that my season in life is a "pressure cooker" season.  I believe most woman, between the ages of 30-40 would agree.  As much as I try to wish this age away, dreaming of the days when I will be full of God-given confidence, it still remains and I feel juvinile.
I feel small and insignificant and without words or truth or understanding.

And I know I'm not alone.
You're with me, aren't you?

But I'll tell you one thing.  This season is teaching me. It's growing me and it's challenging me.
It's hard, but it's good.  Well, it sucks, but it's good.

The reason it's a pressure cooker season is because everyone around you {me} is dealing with the same choices. The same dynamics {for the most part}.  The same drama.  And everyone is choosing.

When the choosing happens, the hard part begins.
Lines are drawn and people say things and you think things and decide things and everything is so.....final.  So life determining.  So dramatic and huge and big.
Of course it is.  It's big because it's your life.
But it's their life too.

Everything about this pressure cooker time is so big and huge and weighs heavy and yet it's just a season.  And it too, shall pass. But we let it get us.
I let it get me. Own me. Determine me.
Right down to the posts I write.
Which is why this post has been rolling around my mind for months.
Becuase I was afraid to write it.  Afraid to admit I'm weak and afraid that one day, in 20 years, when I'm so confident and wise and old, I'll look back.  I'll look back and be sad I wrote this post and maybe sad that I had a blog because I was doing it for the wrong reason or maybe doing it for someone else.
I'm nervous and afraid I'll be disappointment or sad that I was, who I am, now.

But, there is the irony.
I'm thinking as someone else and not as me.  I'm not thinking as the Rachel that God created for RIGHT NOW and you aren't thinking for the person that God formed you to be, right now. You're thinking about someone else and what they think you should do and what you shouldn't.  You're stopping and starting and choosing and doing, based on this pressure cooker season and what all of the millions of people staring at you will think (they really aren't staring, I promise).

So, let's just start living the lives God wants us to live and not care so much about the others.
Let's admit that someone else out there has become a little too important. Even if that person is the future you.
That the collective business audience, blog audience, twitter audience, author audience, friend audience, craft audience has become an idol.

Let's stop.
Jump out of the pressure cooker.
And live who God wants us to live for. Now.
Live for Him and live out who He made you.
I suppose the pressure cooker season is a choice.
I've chosen to be inside it for too long.
And now I choose to get out.



12 comments:

  1. yes, sister. get out and LIVE. love your thoughts, encouraged by you always. hope dinner was fun and yummy xo

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    1. Thank you, my friend, Hannah. Always an encouragement to me.

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  2. Oh my goodness. I feel like everyone is feeling this way right now. Man, we need to just give it to Him and live for Him. It's truly the only way. Great post Rachel.

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    1. I feel like many people share this feeling, as well.
      The only solution is living solely for Him! {hard but profitable and good, yes?}

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  3. I find this happens to me most when I'm inside my head, rather than out enjoying the gifts He's given me (friends, adventure, family). I hope you find your own reprieve soon!

    Love you!

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    1. Why, yes!
      I think that, as a born introvert {I know, I know, no one believes me} a tendency to isolate and stay at arms length perpetuates these feelings.

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    2. I get this!!! No one believes me when I tell them on every personality test I take, the results come back with ISTJ (Introversion, Sensing, Thinking, Judgment)

      Honestly, it drives me nuts sometimes! No one wishes I could turn off my mind more than me. Then again wouldn't that defeats His purpose? God created us to be thinkers and these are our offerings to the world. :)

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  4. 2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
    We'll all climb out together. His arms are big enough for all of us. Xo.

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    1. AMEN to that verse.
      It's perfect and brought a happy/joyful tear to my eye!

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  5. Oh, yes! I am always thinking people are watching me and my family, waiting for us to fail. Waiting for me to fail. This season with three kids who aren't toddlers anymore has been an extreme challenge. But, I am daily choosing to love God and focus on Him. To make sure my kids see who He is through me. Because trying to please everyone else, even the future me, is to trying and exhausting. Thank you for this today!!

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    Replies
    1. I have felt that way before but when I step back I realize everyone is not waiting on me to fail. It's prideful to think that and it isn't of the Lord.
      Thank you for reminding me of this, Verna!
      Be encouraged!

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  6. great thoughts, my friend.

    How does one live as who she is, but strive to be who Christ has created her to be and actually IS once she is found in Him?

    How do you live in the tension of "the already but not yet?"

    Questions beget questions...pat answers are not realistic but the ambiguity is so uncomfortable. I wish I would feel more at home in my metamorphosis!

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